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Advice for when you want to change the way you predictably have sex

Dealing with bedroom routine can be a common concern for many. Often, individuals feel frustrated and fatigued by the monotony, yet find it challenging to discuss this issue openly with their partners.

It's important to acknowledge that routine in sexual encounters isn't necessarily a problem. Similar to how we tend to frequent our favorite restaurants and stick to our preferred dishes, we often gravitate toward familiarity and comfort in our sexual routines. This inclination toward routine is quite natural as humans are creatures of habit.

However, there's a simultaneous desire for novelty and excitement, especially in the realm of sexual experiences. Many individuals seek variety and newness in their sexual lives, which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction when routines persist. To address these feelings of dissatisfaction, try using sex toys to get satisfaction, check out the latest sex toys on the ooty website.

Therefore, finding a balance between the comfort of routine and the excitement of novelty becomes essential in addressing this issue.

Dispelling superstitions to improve the quality of sex
couple in bed

When two people meet, fall in love, and commit to a relationship, there's often an assumption that the sexual aspect will effortlessly take care of itself. It's a common misconception that once the initial attraction and infatuation kick in, everything will naturally fall into place.

Initially, when we encounter a new partner, our bodies experience heightened excitement upon skin-to-skin contact. Hormones surge through us, a biological response designed to aid in finding a suitable mate. In this phase, we become more engaged and engaging—our focus narrows, and we're less likely to notice certain habits or idiosyncrasies.

This phase, known as the honeymoon period or limerence, is characterized by spontaneity and intense pleasure. It's a time when the pleasure centers in our brains take the lead, often lasting from six to 24 months. However, once this initial phase wanes, those hormone-induced feelings tend to diminish, and they typically won't reappear unless there's a new romantic connection involved.

This is when people need to start working at their intimate relationship. Often they buy into popular myths:

1.My partner should know what I want

2.My partner should know how I feel

3.Sex should be easy

4.Sex should be spontaneous

5.Men want sex all the time

6.Women don't like sex

7.Men should know what to do, when to do it and how to do it.

None of these things are true and when we realise that, we can gain the power to become architects of the sex life we would like to have.

What are your intimate relationships like?

Initiating discussions about sex is crucial—hoping for change without communication often falls short. While conversing about sex can be challenging for some, the more you engage in these discussions, the more comfortable and beneficial they become.

Sex is a skill that can be developed and improved upon through communication. Prioritizing it within your relationship and openly discussing desires—such as emotional connection, frequency, exploration, preferences, and time dedicated to intimacy—is essential.

Avoiding discussions about your sexual expectations can lead to frustration and misunderstandings. Bitterness and resentment towards a partner's lack of understanding or attention to your desires won't resolve issues but can amplify them. When conversations turn critical or involve blame, the situation can worsen.

Expressing your sexual needs involves vulnerability, which can feel daunting. Many individuals find it easier to resort to criticism or silent hopefulness than verbalizing their desires. However, avoiding these discussions never yields the desired outcomes.

Starting these conversations at any point in a relationship is important. Long-term relationships often settle into sexual routines, which might satisfy both partners. Yet, for others, this routine can result in boredom, discomfort during sex, loss of interest, resentment, and in some cases, even infidelity.

Starting a conversation

Firstly take a team approach. Not an adversarial one.

Time and place

Choose a time and setting where you can be calm, uninterrupted, and focused. Creating a relaxed atmosphere is crucial when broaching a sensitive topic.

Ensure that discussions about potential sex-related issues are held separately from your intimate moments. This separation allows for a more open and stress-free conversation without the immediate pressure or association with sexual encounters.

Positive factors first

Highlight the positive aspects before addressing any concerns or requests: "I truly value our connection and the pleasure we share, especially when [mention a specific aspect] happens. I believe it could be even more fulfilling if we could explore [insert request] together. What do you think about that?"

By integrating positive elements into the conversation, it sets the stage for an open and constructive dialogue.

Ideal versus basic needs

Discuss your preferences in two contexts: firstly, in an 'ideal world,' expressing desires for the frequency of sex, initiation by your partner, or duration of sexual activity. Secondly, reconsider these preferences in a 'good enough' scenario—determining the minimum requirements for satisfaction and contentment.

This approach allows you to gauge the difference between your optimal desires and the essential needs for fulfillment.

Discuss roadblocks, be curious

Engage in open discussions about potential obstacles hindering intimacy. Instead of assuming your partner is making excuses, recognize that these barriers are legitimate and need understanding.

Approach the situation with curiosity rather than blame. Sometimes, your partner might not fully express what hinders them from intimacy, so it's essential to encourage open dialogue. It's crucial not to expect your partner alone to tackle these roadblocks, as both parties play a role in resolving them.

Not all or nothing

Encourage your partner to take responsibility for their actions and decisions to avoid conflicts. It's not about having everything your way but finding a solution where both parties feel satisfied – a compromise that benefits both sides.

Remarkable compromises can arise in relationships, ranging from desires for threesomes to sharing erotic stories. Some may go from expecting daily sex to realizing that once a week is suitable, eliminating stress over daily requests.

Remember, expressing your desires doesn't guarantee their fulfillment, but it can spark essential conversations. It might feel relieving to finally discuss concerns that have been on your mind for a while.

Ultimately, achieving the sex life you desire is your responsibility and not solely reliant on anyone else.

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