In the realm of sex and dating, every person has their unique preferences, making it challenging at times to discover the best methods to satisfy your partner. Maybe you're accustomed to certain approaches that your partner doesn't particularly enjoy, or perhaps your partner desires to explore new things you've never encountered before. How do you handle sexual intimacy with someone you lack familiarity with?
Whether you're embarking on a journey with a new partner or seeking to enhance your skills with your current partner(s), here are five techniques to become a more considerate and attentive lover.
A crucial initial step in any sexual relationship involves understanding your partner's boundaries. This discussion is vital to establish comfort levels and boundaries for both you and your partner(s). While discussing kinks and limits is commonly practiced within the BDSM community, it's an approach that everyone should adopt, as even seemingly "vanilla" sex acts can be limits for some individuals.
Scheduling a dedicated time to sit down with your partner(s) and openly discuss boundaries proves highly beneficial early on. This ensures you can avoid unintentionally making someone uncomfortable or triggering them due to past traumas. Unfortunately, such situations occur frequently, and they could be easily prevented through this kind of pre-discussion, rather than describing sexual acts as a means of flirtation.
Attentively Explore Their Pleasure
An invaluable tool for becoming the best partner you can be is actively paying attention to what arouses your significant other. While direct discussions can be helpful if your partner knows their preferences well, some might be uncertain or too shy to openly express their turn-ons. In such cases, rely on your observational skills to discover what excites them.
Often, during sexual encounters with a new partner, you may stumble upon a particular "button" that elicits a strong reaction. Of course, every partner is unique, and some may not be as vocal or expressive in bed as others. Look for verbal cues, body language, and physiological responses like changes in breathing or pulse.
Almost everyone has sensitive spots or certain phrases that ignite their arousal. Being attuned to these cues allows you to consistently stimulate them in all the right ways. Begin by observing basic preferences: Do they prefer sloppy open-mouth kissing or closed-mouth kissing? Listen for gasps and moans when you touch specific areas of their body or utter certain words. Pay attention to their natural positions during penetrative sex. Using teasing language to clarify these aspects can be a playful approach.
Another effective method is having your partner masturbate in front of you. Observe their movements and try to replicate the same stimulation techniques when you're together. Notice if they prefer using ample lubrication, their preference for penetration or clitoral stimulation, or their specific technique for pleasuring themselves.
Observation allows you to pick up personalized tricks for your partner's pleasure, but it demands active focus during your intimate moments together. It's easy to get carried away with your own pleasure during sex, but taking the time to truly focus on your partner will elevate your lovemaking skills and lead to more mutual pleasure in the future.
Be Mindful of Their Insecurities
This is especially relevant for individuals dealing with anxiety! If your partner experiences anxiety during sex (which is common), it's crucial to be attentive and avoid unintentionally stressing them out. As mentioned earlier, discussing limits is key. Your partner might express certain things as off-limits, but there could be other actions they are comfortable with if handled in a specific manner.
For instance, someone might have anxiety about reaching orgasm during sex because they need to stimulate themselves in a particular way. You can encourage them by assuring them that it's completely acceptable to do so during sex, or even tell them that it turns you on to watch them. Offering this kind of commentary can make your partner feel much more at ease, knowing that self-stimulation is not only acceptable but also appreciated.
Embrace creativity to find ways to reassure your partner during sex, making them feel desired and cherished. By doing so, you not only alleviate their insecurities but also create an environment where they feel comfortable expressing their desires and enjoying the experience to the fullest.
Ensure Their Fulfillment
In many instances, I've encountered situations during sex where my partners mentally conclude the act before I feel fully satisfied. This can be due to various reasons—sometimes they stop because they've had an orgasm and assume I did too. Other times, they might stop because I've experienced multiple orgasms, and they think I've reached my limit. The root issue here is often a lack of communication, and if left unaddressed, it can be quite frustrating.
A simple way to deal with this frustration is by openly discussing each other's goals for the encounter. What does your partner want to achieve? Do they desire an orgasm? Or do they prefer to focus on a specific sexual act? Are they aiming for multiple orgasms until they ask to stop? Without asking, you won't know, and while it might seem awkward at first, making this communication a habit is surprisingly easy. By inquiring whether your partner wants to continue or stop, they will feel more confident in expressing their desires, like saying, "I'd actually like to have one more orgasm," or "I don't think an orgasm will happen today, but I'd love for you to finger me."
It's essential to clarify that "fulfillment" doesn't always equate to "having an orgasm." Some individuals may experience anxiety about their ability to orgasm, either thinking they orgasm too much or struggle to orgasm at all. The notion that sex must "end with an orgasm" can impose unnecessary pressure on someone. By understanding your partner's intentions regarding orgasm, you can plan the duration of stimulation and know when it's suitable to stop, ensuring that both partners feel content with the experience.